And We All Fall Down
by Alys Lynn
Summary: A companion piece to "Bend Me, Break Me" where we see into Kafei's mind and his own inner-turmoil as he comes to the shattering decision that marks the beginning of "Forbidden Love".


**And We All Fall Down  
(Please see end for author's notes)**

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My intention had never been to hurt him. I never began this journey with him with the sole purpose of using him for my own gains, to solicit his aid at the last moment, to set him beneath my feet and climb upon his back to reach my prize. I had never planned to use his emotions against him, to build up this ruse as a weapon to unleash on him later, when the timing was right. To be honest, I had never intended to return to Anju once I met Link. He was so beautiful, so kind, so selfless, and his very aura called out to me. The very moment I laid eyes on him, pattering about in his green tunic and ridiculous bunny ears, weighted down by weapons of all kinds, his crystal blue eyes blazing beneath golden hair, I knew I was done in. Anju was a thing of the past, and my future was with Link. There could be no other life for me now.

Or…so I had believed.

It was nearing the end of Link's repetitive three-day adventure that it all changed. I could not even recall the last time I had sent that letter to Anju on the first morning of the cycle, it had been so long. We were lying together within my sanctuary above the Curiosity Shop, my head pillowed on Link's chest, his fingers carding through my mused hair. I was drawing random patterns along his loose fitting, khaki colored undershirt, and listening to the music of his heartbeat. It was quiet and peaceful between us, and I was so happy. I knew our time together in Termina was drawing to a close and that I would soon be taken from this place and to this land of Hyrule, where a new life together would begin. I felt no remorse towards the things I would be leaving behind, for all the things I would be gaining meant so much more. A new life with Link, shared side-by-side, was worth whatever sacrifices I had to make. And besides, I'd never been overly fond of Termina anyway. It was not where I felt my home was, and my adoptive parents, as kind as they were, had never raised me in a cocoon of love the way other parents did their children. My mother was far too caught up in the latest fads and fashions and bullying my father, and my father…I often felt he never should've become the Mayor. He was too meek to handle such a task, and yet now there was no other to do it. With both of them, there was never really time for a child, but it was an attempt to save their marriage. I supposed it worked, since they were still together, but there was distance between us all that would never fade. They had given me a house, but never a home. They had given me care, but never love.

Link gave me all of those things. He was my home. He was the embodiment of love. He was everything to me.

"Kafei," he had murmured softly. I could tell by his tone that he'd been dozing, and it filled me with warmth. I let my eyes flutter closed as I hummed a reply. "When we return to Hyrule, there is something I must do."

My eyes opened back up and I frowned a bit. There was something odd about the way he said that. "That's fine, Link. I'm sure there will be much for you to do. But why do you sound so…" How did he sound? It was hard for me to put my finger on, but he waited patiently for me to find the words. "Why do you sound so reserved?" I decided.

He paused a moment, his chest rising and falling in a deep breath. It made me afraid, that sigh. "I must go to the castle and speak with the Princess," he said, his tone tense but determined. "I need to inform her, and the entire Royal Family, that I will not be the man they come to for aid anymore. The Hero they have so heavily relied on can no longer be me, not after this. It's time I retire."

I knew then, even without fully understanding, that those words meant something terrible. I felt myself go tense all over and I carefully pushed myself up from his chest. I rotated my body to stare down at him, and I willed myself not to get lost in his beauty. His head framed by a halo of sunshine, his eyes deep and oceanic, his cheeks tinted pink by his consistent time spent outside. "Link… Why would you say something like that? How could you resign yourself to a civilian life, being who you are? Being _what_ you are?"

I wasn't sure what I expected in reply, but he smiled gently and placed a warm hand on my cheek. "You, of course."

He said it was though it was the most obvious thing in the world, but I shook my head, careful not to dislodge that hand. "I don't understand. What about me?"

His fingers drifted along my skin, his expression softening and his eyes flicking away from my gaze. "I won't force you to be the one who waits at home, alone, for my return. I won't put you through that kind of life, one coated in worry and fear and grief. While I'm away, you'll never be certain if I'm alive, or unharmed, or doing well. You'll be sickened with anxiety while you wait for my letters, and that is even if I'm _able_ to sendletters. You deserve so much better than that, and I'm not going to keep doing it to you. It's terrible enough I am doing it to you now. I can see how it is wearing on you… You can't hide your fear from me, your devastation when I return home and have barely survived."

Again, I shook my head, unwilling to accept this. It seemed so ludicrous to me, to give up everything he was simply for my benefit. I covered his hand with my own, wondering why my heart was beating so hard, racing so quickly. "Stop it, you're being absurd. I would never ask you to do something this, and I don't even _want_ you to. I know you love this life, and I don't want you to give it up. Link, you are a hero. You have been _chosen_ for this life, it is your destiny. The Goddesses picked you to be their champion, and you have blazed through the challenges without ever faltering. You are a beacon of hope to so many, the people _need_ you. Your Kingdom needs you. Your Sages need you."

His gaze remained elsewhere, his expression suddenly lost and helpless. I could see it, for a very brief moment, that this was a monumental sacrifice to him. And then he blinked and it was gone, and his eyes found mine. That same smile had returned, and his hand slipped to the back of my neck to tug me down. Softly, he kissed me, and I let him, despite my desire to draw back and continue to argue this. "And _I_ need _you_ ," he whispered against my lips. I opened my mouth to counter his words, but he stopped me with another kiss. "I won't hear your objections, Kafei." His tone was teasing, and yet there was an edge to it that told me he was absolutely serious. He did not want to hear me argue. "It is my life to do with what I desire, and I desire this. I want an ordinary life with you, I want to grow together in a world where time flows without interruption, I want peace and normalcy. Please, Kafei, let me do this."

Snark rose to my tongue but I swallowed it back as I withdrew from him. He told me I had no choice just a moment ago, how could I "let him" do anything? Yet as I looked at him, I saw it again for the briefest of moments, the expression that cried out how wrong this was for him. He was not doing this for himself at all, only for me, because he believed this was what was right. Did he truly wish to give up his life of heroics for "ordinary"? To become one of the helpless, hopeless creatures who needed saving and could not fight against the darkness that might threaten them? To watch as the innocent fell to those evils and not rise up to stop it? He would have to go to the Princess he loathed and tell her he was finished. He would be forced to hang up his Master Sword and shield, return the Kokiri Sword to the forest, turn over his Ocarina of Time, and end his adventures. Did he truly _want_ this?

No.

I swallowed hard and stood up from the bed. I looked over my shoulder a moment, watched as he sat up with confusion, and then smiled weakly. "I don't believe you." Without waiting for his reply, I descended the stairs of my home with Keaton mask in hand and went outside into the night. I knew he wouldn't follow me, and so I donned the mask and left the Laundry Pool. I needed to go for a walk, I needed to shake this conversation off my shoulders and try to find some way to reason with it. And I deeply needed to understand why I felt so afraid and anxious now. It was coiled in my stomach like a snake, so tightly wound I could swear it would spring forth and attack at any moment. I rubbed my abdomen a few times, trying to soothe the discomfort.

It was easy work to slip past the Guard standing at the gate to the Swamp, as he was busy arguing with one of the carpenters it seemed, and left the city's walls. Outside, the silence was comforting, and I let out a long breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding before heading left towards the East Clock Town entrance. I kept close to the city wall, staying on the path so I wouldn't put myself in danger of the monsters and beasts that had slowly been taking over since the Skull Kid arrived. I didn't plan to be out too long, but I wanted this time to calm back down and understand what was truly going on. It confused me that I felt so uneasy and that I wanted so desperately to protest against what Link was trying to do. One would think I'd be thrilled and so grateful he'd be willing to change for me, that he'd stop doing something so dangerous so our life wouldn't be tumultuous. But I wasn't. I didn't _want_ him to give up what he loved doing and what defined him. It seemed so ridiculous to me. I knew who he was, and I accepted that our life would be hard, and scary, and stressful at times. It was nothing I couldn't handle. I'd been with Link for what should have been months now, and through it all, I'd faced all the things he was trying to protect me from. I'd never turned from him because of it, and I loved him through it all. Why did he think I was too weak all a sudden, or that I didn't honestly want all of this, to the point where he'd give up the one thing he loved more than me?

He was so selfless… While it was one of the things about him I'd fallen for first, I wished he'd be a little selfish now.

Hero of Time. Hero of Destiny. Time-Child. Farore's Knight. Hyrule's Guardian.

That was who Link was, and he was letting it all go, letting _himself_ go, over me.

I shook my head, my small hands balling into fists at my sides. No. No, I wouldn't allow this. I _couldn't_ allow this. This was a sacrifice I was not willing to let Link make, not only because I knew, deep down, he didn't want it, but because I knew what it could mean for the future. Years down the line, I saw the resentment. I saw the hatred he would quietly harbor inside. I saw the way he'd regret it, regret our life, regret me. And I saw him steadily lose himself and forget who he was, discover his life held no meaning and purpose, and slowly let himself fall to darkness. Nothing was worth that, and I would do whatever it took to prevent that disaster.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I looked up at the Inn, my feet having somehow navigated my body back inside Clock Town without my noticing. I stared up at the building for what felt like years. Apart from the lights in the lobby, all the windows were dark, and I watched as a black silhouette suddenly appeared by the door. I knew that silhouette well, for I had memorized it what felt like a lifetime ago. I heard a faint click, the lights went down, and at once, I knew what I had to do. Of course I did.

I knew why I felt so sick.

I knew why I was so afraid.

I had never intended to hurt him, I had never planned to break his heart. I was never using him, I was never lying to him. And yet, that was exactly what I had to do. I would be the selfless one this time, so that Link would never have to let a part of himself die. I would turn from him and make him believe I no longer loved him, push him away, let him return to Hyrule alone where he would remain the very same man I fell for so long ago. I would not see him force himself to change. I would not let him become a stranger. I would fight for his heroic soul, his life's work, his _world,_ even if Link himself would not.

It was decided. Link would reset time tonight, and I would mail the letter in the morning.

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 _(A/N: So this story is a companion piece to "Bend Me, Break Me". It goes back in time a bit to before the first story took place. This part focuses on Kafei's POV and why he decided to do what he did. I'm not sure I ever firmly explained why Kafei broke things off with Link during FL, so hopefully this helps it all make a bit more sense. I hope you're all enjoying the little updates! I know things are quiet here now, but I have faith that some of you are still around and you still read. Even if you don't comment, I feel you're there! :)_

 _As always, thank you all again for everything, and please know that I still love each and every single one of you! You're all beautiful.)_


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